I have 50 free tickets to anyone who will be in Dallas this weekend

Kids and families welcome to the Texas Baby & Kidz Expo

Saturday, October 24th from 10 AM – 5 PM

Come by my “Meet the Author” table, say “hi” & grab a copy of my new book,

Someone’s Always Watching me Pee (and Other Realities of Motherhood)

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Sexy Dorothy

 I’ve never found Dorothy particularly sexy, but to each his own.

I have no control over what you wear and what you let your kids wear.  I may silently judge you and trash talk you on my blog, but if you’re the mom who lets her kid go out in totally inappropriate Halloween costumes, that is absolutely your business.  But THIS mom draws the line.  As the shorts keep getting shorter and the v-necks get V-er, I find myself steering my tween toward the section with mu-mus  and burkas.

I, myself strutted about in a slutty genie costume for a fraternity Halloween party back in college, and in looking back at old scrapbooks, am mortified that I was so cavalier about it at the time.  But now I am old.  I know better.  I still have the power.  I can say “no” when I think my daughter is wearing something inappropriate.  Children have no concept about the message that their wardrobe is sending.  As a child, I just knew that I didn’t want to be the poodle-skirt Sandy from Grease, I wanted to be Slutty Sandy with the black satin bodysuit, red heels and a cigarette dangling from my lips.

Why do these options even exist for children?  Naughty nurse, Sexy schoolgirl, Vampire vixen, Slutty sailor, Cheap cheerleader (yeah- I’ve got alliteration skills out my bloomers, y’all!), Busty Bakery manager (that’s a big hit this year, I hear.  But then again, I think I may be trying too hard now).

More importantly… WHY ARE PARENTS BUYING THESE COSTUMES FOR THEIR KIDS?!

It is our job as mothers to empower or girls, to steer them in the right direction and to force them into head-to-toe, G-rated, fluffy Panda Bear costumes on Halloween!  Until they’re 20!

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Christmas Carols in September

While there may be Christmas carols playing over the store speakers and tinsel trees displayed in the Costco already, we DO still have a couple more holidays to celebrate before Dec. 25th! It’s still SEPTEMBER! With that in mind, though, I thought I’d post some cute costume ideas for your bittys next month.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/halloween-costumes-for-twins_56040600e4b0fde8b0d16d09

Gluten-Free

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When my mother’s generation went on a diet it was all about counting calories.  When I was in college, it was about cutting fat.  Now it’s all about the carbs.  When did wheat become vilified?  When did the four food groups become obsolete?  I think I’ll wait this one out as I eat a giant piece of French bread until the “carbs and cake” diet becomes the newest fad!

The sock is TICKLY!

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I, as a mom can hold it together gracefully.

Should I lose all my maternal inhibitions and reveal any and all emotions at the moment I feel them, like my son does- I’m sure my reaction to the sock-slide would be quite different.

“The seam hurts me”!

“The tag itches me”!

“The elastic pinches me”!

“THE SOCK IS TICKLY”!!!!!