Top 20 things on my Mommy Christmas wish list

  • For all of my Amazon orders to arrive while my husband is at work
  • To have cereal become an acceptable meal for dinner
  • For everyone to just be happy with the color of cup they’re given
  • To receive no holiday cards with misplaced apostrophes on friends’ last name’ses
  • For my kids and husband to finally locate the actual trash can, instead of forever piling little bits of trash up on the kitchen counter DIRECTLY ABOVE the trash drawer
  • To sleep as soundly as my husband
  • For those little moth-like holes at the bellybutton-level of all of my t-shirts to magically seal back up again
  • To be able to eat a meal while it is still hot
  • For the “new car” scent in my SUV to return from it’s current “lost-string-cheese-under-the-third-row-seat” smell
  • To be able to jump on a trampoline without peeing just a little
  • For a horrific accident to befall the Elf on the Shelf
  • To figure out what the “CE” button is on my calculator
  • For my children to never realize that I’ve turned their clock later, so that bedtime comes sooner
  • To watch Scandal uninterrupted by requests for yet another drink of water
  • For yoga pants and big sweatshirts to find themselves as the hottest item on the runway this season
  • To pee without an audience
  • For my children to never cause me to exceed the limitations of my medication
  • To have my new book, Someone’s Always Watching me Pee (and Other Realities of Motherhood) top the NY Times Bestseller list
  • For peace on earth (or at least between my children)
  • To be given an Oscar engraved with the words, “World’s Okayest Mom” (to be presented by a shirtless Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy)

…but new slippers (maybe the kind to protect my sensitive heels from Lego shrapnel) and those precious hand-made ornaments are pretty great too.

Now- go out and get a copy of my book Someone’s Always Watching me Pee (and Other Realities of Motherhood) for all of the mommy friends in your life!

Merry Christmas!




Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s