- For all of my Amazon orders to arrive while my husband is at work
- To have cereal become an acceptable meal for dinner
- For everyone to just be happy with the color of cup they’re given
- To receive no holiday cards with misplaced apostrophes on friends’ last name’ses
- For my kids and husband to finally locate the actual trash can, instead of forever piling little bits of trash up on the kitchen counter DIRECTLY ABOVE the trash drawer
- To sleep as soundly as my husband
- For those little moth-like holes at the bellybutton-level of all of my t-shirts to magically seal back up again
- To be able to eat a meal while it is still hot
- For the “new car” scent in my SUV to return from it’s current “lost-string-cheese-under-the-third-row-seat” smell
- To be able to jump on a trampoline without peeing just a little
- For a horrific accident to befall the Elf on the Shelf
- To figure out what the “CE” button is on my calculator
- For my children to never realize that I’ve turned their clock later, so that bedtime comes sooner
- To watch Scandal uninterrupted by requests for yet another drink of water
- For yoga pants and big sweatshirts to find themselves as the hottest item on the runway this season
- To pee without an audience
- For my children to never cause me to exceed the limitations of my medication
- To have my new book, Someone’s Always Watching me Pee (and Other Realities of Motherhood) top the NY Times Bestseller list
- For peace on earth (or at least between my children)
- To be given an Oscar engraved with the words, “World’s Okayest Mom” (to be presented by a shirtless Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy)
…but new slippers (maybe the kind to protect my sensitive heels from Lego shrapnel) and those precious hand-made ornaments are pretty great too.
Now- go out and get a copy of my book Someone’s Always Watching me Pee (and Other Realities of Motherhood) for all of the mommy friends in your life!
Merry Christmas!
From, www.someonesalwayswatchingmepee.com
