- For all of my Amazon orders to arrive while my husband is at work
- To have cereal become an acceptable meal for dinner
- For everyone to just be happy with the color of cup they’re given
- To receive no holiday cards with misplaced apostrophes on friends’ last name’ses
- For my kids and husband to finally locate the actual trash can, instead of forever piling little bits of trash up on the kitchen counter DIRECTLY ABOVE the trash drawer
- To sleep as soundly as my husband
- For those little moth-like holes at the bellybutton-level of all of my t-shirts to magically seal back up again
- To be able to eat a meal while it is still hot
- For the “new car” scent in my SUV to return from it’s current “lost-string-cheese-under-the-third-row-seat” smell
- To be able to jump on a trampoline without peeing just a little
- For a horrific accident to befall the Elf on the Shelf
- To figure out what the “CE” button is on my calculator
- For my children to never realize that I’ve turned their clock later, so that bedtime comes sooner
- To watch Scandal uninterrupted by requests for yet another drink of water
- For yoga pants and big sweatshirts to find themselves as the hottest item on the runway this season
- To pee without an audience
- For my children to never cause me to exceed the limitations of my medication
- To have my new book, Someone’s Always Watching me Pee (and Other Realities of Motherhood) top the NY Times Bestseller list
- For peace on earth (or at least between my children)
- To be given an Oscar engraved with the words, “World’s Okayest Mom” (to be presented by a shirtless Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy)
…but new slippers (maybe the kind to protect my sensitive heels from Lego shrapnel) and those precious hand-made ornaments are pretty great too.
Now- go out and get a copy of my book Someone’s Always Watching me Pee (and Other Realities of Motherhood) for all of the mommy friends in your life!
Merry Christmas!
From, www.someonesalwayswatchingmepee.com
Someone's Always Watching Me Pee 