Sex

My last entry reminded me of one of the funniest stories I have heard, and I hope that I can do my friend Kelly’s experience the justice it so deserves in re-telling it.

Kelly and her pre-teen daughter were alone in the car together, when, out of nowhere, her daughter asked-  “What’s sex”?

Kelly describes how she practically drove off the side of the road and basically whipped out flipcharts and graphs, having expected “The Talk” -and being the prepared mom of three daughters that she is.

As Kelly went on describing (in great detail), the ins and outs of the “Birds and the Bees”, she got an occasional “That’s gross” from her daughter in the backseat, whose look of horror could’ve only matched the feeling that Kelly must have been experiencing in describing all of the details.

After a bit of silence, her daughter held up the athletic participation form that she had been filling out in the backseat and pointed to the line which read:

Sex:  M or F

“I just wanted to know if I put ‘M’ or ‘F’ on this line here”.

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One thought on “Sex

  1. after reading the story about Kelly and her daughter, i felt i’d have nothing to say on this most delicate of subjects. boys and girls are so different from one another that it always seemed to me that there should be a division of labor when giving “the talk.” Moms should handle the explanation to the girls and Dad to the boys. no such luck with the Kimball boys, apparently our Dad had construed that this, too, was “woman’s work.”

    our mother had tripped into motherhood “unprepared” at best and took what she felt was the best route for handling this and consulted a family friend…..the church pastor. now there’s somebody who would have had a wealth of knowledge. it would be like asking your yardman for advice on investing. apparently, he too was effectively able to dodge the subject by giving Mom a record (an LP) that explained it all and lifted the embarrassment burden from both of them.

    on a summer morning Bobby and i were called into the living room and handed the record. with carefully chosen words Mom explained, “i got this record from Father Hughes (before he became a Monseigneur), it explains the marriage act and how the love that a husband has for his wife is expressed physically between the two of them. i want you boys to sit here and listen to this. when you’ve listened to both sides, you can go out and play or go to your friend’s house.” …and then she left to go shopping.

    at maybe 9 and 11, neither of us had any idea what was going on or what she had been talking about but we put it on the turntable and settled in to listen. it was clergy rooted gobbledygook that explained “this thing” in metaphors, similes and innuendo with words and vague terminology that made it seem that the two people involved were dressed formally and performing some sort of minuet. oh, we got the gist of it but it was a struggle and relied mostly on what we’d already picked up from our classmates about these “facts of life.”

    dutifully and over what seemed like the a very large portion of eternity, we listened to both sides. i guess the worst part was the fact that it was the maid’s day in and she would look our way each time she passed through the room and giggle. Mom must have explained to her what we were listening to but i doubt that she used the same terms that were droning from the speakers of the record player. when we saw Mom at the end of the day, queried, “did you listen to the record? both sides? do you have any questions? i think that we both breathed a sigh of relief when we answered, “No.” it was never discussed again.

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